My latest challenge from reader Leonard K. from Dover, Delaware: "Mike, what’s it like to make love to the sexiest ladies in Music?" Well, Leonard K. from Delaware, in no particular order…

Chan Marshall – Cat Power

We met at a coffee shop of her choice. I order nothing and do not make eye contact with anything other than my shoes. I brush my hair from my face often. I talk about my poetry, some of which I have inscribed on my back in a tattoo. She asks me about my other tattoos, I ask her about her demons. We discuss past relationships for a couple hours before adjourning to her place to continue. She’s eager to please, I oblige. It’s intense and neither of us are comfortable afterwards. I leave in the middle of the night after scribbling some incoherent gibberish on a piece of paper. She will end up quoting me in one of her songs on the next album.

Amanda Tannen – Stellastarr*

We go to Book Soup for a Dave Eggers reading. Afterwards on our walk down Sunset we discuss the modern landscape of fiction writing, while taking turns noting which bands we’ve seen at various venues we pass. She name drops obscure writers and I use words I’m not entirely confident I’m using correctly. We make out against the passenger side door of my Audi sedan before heading to her Los Feliz apartment. Inside it’s pretty standard her then me, me then her foreplay. She turns on Dylan. I’m confused and a little bored. At conclusion, we watch "Rushmore" and fall asleep midway through the movie. In the morning we have sex before saying a word to each other, as if to make amends for last night’s awkward tryst. Some dude calls afterwards, she picks up the phone without hesitation, I quickly put on my jeans and hoodie on before leaving during the call. She insincerely kisses me on the cheek.

Alison Mossheart – The Kills

After the drugs kick in we head to a NYC punk dive bar for no other reason than to work up the appetite to desire. She spends the night picking fights with strangers and breaking bottles for no reason. I back her up by making incomprehensible sounds and faces that taunt them to punch me in the face. No one does, I’m with Allison. She does what she wants, where she wants. After a couple hours of chemically induced decisions we return to my hotel room. She takes off all her clothes in the bathroom, emerges, and turns off the light by throwing the lamp through the room’s 4th floor window. She’s excitable and a little violent. Afterwards she decides it more comfortable to sleep naked in the bathtub. I enjoy the extra space in the bed until police arrive to question Allison’s four-story lamp toss. She fights the cops naked. I miss her.

Tegan and Sara – Tegan and Sara

I meet them at a ski lodge while in Vancouver. Tegan lost a ski boot. Sara makes fun of her for not snowboarding. These two never shut up, it’s adorable. They know the area and are going to see a local folk artist at some youth center. I invite myself. The songwriter’s lyrics are tired and he is a terrible guitarist. We leave 30 minutes into his show and head to a bar. After a couple shots and an attempt to teach the girls darts, we go to my hotel room, as I have an advance copy of the latest Le Tigre album. We listen to the first couple tracks. Sara lays down and rests her head on my leg. Pretty soon we start kissing, while Tegan watches. Things get intense quickly and I barely have time to question these girls’ sexuality. They are freaks, they travel with "equipment." The Le Tigre album ends and I am alone and used. I don’t hear from them again, but they’ve somehow added me to their email list which they send often.

Kelly Clarkson – Kelly Clarkson

She invites me to some private promotional engagement for ProActive shareholders. She plays a song, makes a beeline for me hanging out to the side of the makeshift stage and whispers in my ear her eagerness to get the hell out of there. We leave. She takes me to In & Out. Her treat. After a couple burgers (Animal Style) she takes me to her palatial Hollywood Hills estate. She has me wait on a couch in her oversized entry room while she "takes care of something." I take notice of the platinum records hanging on the wall and randomly framed photos of her with Kid Rock, Dakota Fanning, and Aaron Neville. She returns in an opened kimono and asks if I have any questions. I have none. She has her way with me. She’s a "dig in the fingernails" kind of girl, rage apparently leftover from the "Since You’ve been Gone" era. Afterwards she asks me to leave. Her boyfriend is coming over in 20 minutes. Discretion is implied. She autographs a t-shirt for my sister and I leave.

Sarah McLaughlin – Sarah McLaughlin

I was hired to write some songs with her. We work out some of the kinks in her home studio. I play a couple guitar riffs. She likes what she hears and sits at the other end of the couch while encouraging me to continue. She lets her hair down and takes off her sweater. It’s getting warmer, but that doesn’t stop her from lighting a couple scented candles behind us. During the bridge she starts to massage my neck and shoulders while humming the melody. From there she gets friskier. High notes are hit and held in passion. Later she’ll describe the event as "spiritual and beautiful." I facilitate cuddling. We discuss foreign affairs in bed with some lemon sorbet I found in the freezer. I ask if I can stay a couple weeks, she declines. None of my songs are used on the next album. I’m heartbroken. Around this time I sleep with Liz Phair to numb the pain.

Ok, I have something to admit.  I need to get this off my chest.  Friends…I’m in love.  And it’s not just the "I think I’m in love, yet it will only last a short 2 weeks and then I will be on to the next thing" kinda love…this is "true, unconditional, can’t live without it" kinda love.  Who is this mysterious lover you ask?  Well it is actually a group of poppy, suspender wearing, shaggy haired, glorious sounding swedes who call themselves the Shout Out Louds.  Their new cd "Howl Howl Gaff Gaff" makes me want to make sweet sweet love to this entire band! 

I was lucky enough to see the Shout Out Louds open for The Dears last night @ the El Rey in Los Angeles.  This is when I truly fell HARD for this band.  They have something for everybody.  Consisting of 4 tall,  tight black pant wearing(except for the drummer in tight white pants) adorable guys, and one super hot blonde for the all the guys to drool over.  The sweet, happy sounds that came from the stage made me dance, sing, and just be really really happy.  Almost in a Stellastarr* singing "My Coco" sorta way(for those who don’t know, this is insanely good).   The guys are really energetic, stomping their feet, singing intensely the tributes to their homeland, love, and sometimes band members birthdays.  I predict this band will be selling out their own shows very soon, but check ‘em out at smaller venues now, while you can. 

If you missed ‘em this time don’t stress, it looks like the Shout Out Louds will be back this summer touring with Kings of Leon and Secret Machines.  Mark your calenders. 

07/22/2005 Wiltern LG
Kings of Leon / Secret Machines / Shout Out Louds
Los Angeles, CA

If you haven’t heard this deliciousness yet you can stream the entire Shout Out Louds album via VH1 here.

While on the topic of sweet sounding Swedes, I remembered another group  that I wanted to mention… 

I have been listening to the Moonbabies a bunch lately.  These guys are all sunshine and rainbows.  Listen to their tunes @ myspace here .  Watch their video for this ridiculously good song "Sun AM" here.   You won’t be able to get it out of your head.   

Torr has also recently recommended the Swedish band Swoon. 

Then I started thinking, so many good bands come from Sweden, how can I find out my next favorite Swedish band.    Check out these links… 

Ultimate Swedish Band List

Rocket 95.3 The Rock Home of Stokholm               

Hello! Surprise!:  A Guide to Swedish Pop Music

Swedes Please – Who knew there was a blog just dedicated to swedish bands. I love it! 

These bands sound nothing like The Swedish Chef, but since we are talking of all great things from Sweden, how could we leave him out???  Listen to the Swedish Chef theme song here.  "Børk! Børk! Børk!" 

You can also change your dialect to "Swedish Chef" here. 

Read our site in "Swedish Chef" dialect here.  This is super funny. 

Band Website:
stellastarr.com

Listen: "My Coco"
Streaming

Buy the Album:

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Tracklisting

1. In the Walls

2. Jenny

3. Million Reasons

4. My Coco

5. No Weather

6. Moongirl

7. Somewhere Across Forever

8. Homeland

9. Pulp Song